Thursday, March 26, 2009

Cinnamon Waffles

I don't know why, but for some reason everything seems quiter outside when it snows. Its so peaceful, which makes me want to own a house in the mountains some day. Snow days seems to bring everyone together, even though each house is isolated in its own little world. With everyone home from work today, it was good to eat, drink, and be happy. It seems surreal to me that soon some of these people will be gone, and times like these will occur much less often. Here are some things I will miss:

late night ping pong, cooking events, the situation room, running and gettin swole, lilly dusty and belle, gahhhhhh, slippers everywhere, bond, the hot tub, concerts, tarantulla billiards, the night in the hotel room, hot apple pies, group grocery shopping, tennis at the park, 10 for 10, mom? uncle peter?, candles and air fresheners, horseshoes in the back, bbq time, plays at the theater, new years eve, dad surprise party and engagement halloween, recording on the mattress, the noisy front door, unfinished paint jobs, a dangerously huge kitchen, and the list goes on.....
so heres to all the good times, and the almost 2 months that are left.

I've still been searching for another job, and recently I have been more actively pursuing that situation. I will be done with Hacienda by the end of May, and that makes me happy. Still not sure where I will end up living, but that is step two on my list. Speaking of lists, I'm working on crossing off a few more items on my personal list. I'm not going to say which ones, but I will be putting an updated version up soon that will show which tasks I may or may not have completed :) Oh, and my college basketball bracket is fucked. Thanks a lot Memphis and Duke!!

Call me

Mr. Fifty

Saturday, February 28, 2009


After working tonight, I have gotten so sick of my job. Sure its nice to make $120 in 5 hours, but people are so fuckin rude it pisses me off. I wish that people could treat each other with respect and dignity. I'm not just some machine that brings out your food. Don't know how many days I have left at the 'Hacienda', but I can tell you that its not many. I have been looking into places in Hawaii, its not just some stupid thought...I am pretty seriously considering moving there within a year. I have a lot of family and friends here, but I would be so happy with the beach so close to me. I'm going somewhere cool within the next month....don't know where yet but I need to get away. Let me know if you want to come!

Does anyone even read this crap anymore?

Dazzle D

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Late Night

Im working in a few hours, but I have a couple interesting words to write down. I saw some dissapointing relationships tonight, working on Valentines day. I saw so many guys who didn't treat girls right, and vice versa. Its funny how many people just put up with unhappiness and boredom... I just wanted to say something to them. Whatever, I guess its not really my business anyway, but it makes me upset when people settle for less than they deserve.

I had a 'job interview' at a studio in which I performed various tasks on ProTools, or didnt perform tasks in other words. Didn't go so well and needless to say didn't even come close to a job.

I've been diagnosed with dystonia, which has to do with the brain receiving signals from a muscle to let it know when it needs to contract or relax, so apparently thats whats wrong with my hand. It happens when you train a part of your body for so long and different parts of your brain grow as well. At least I dont have Parkinsons. Im taking a medication similar to Valium, so that has been interesting. I will start Botox treatments which willl weaken my arm muscle soon. Other than that, not much going on.....just trying to live life. I've been pretty happy as of late. I do need to move to Hawaii soon though. Anyone want to come????

Goodnight to all, and sweet dreams

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I like this song a lot/Vacation

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly into the line of a dark black night.

I went to San Francisco today. I think I can cross off my random vacation on my list, since I decided to go last night. It was so weird to leave and come home in one day, it made it feel like a dream. But it was an awesome dream, I will do it more often.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Some Resolutions for the New Year:

1. Do at least 10 things on my before I die list
2. Read more
3. Get a job in the audio industry
4. Cook. A lot.
5. Travel outside the country

There are more that will develop, but thats it for now. I think its kind of weird how much emphasis everyone puts on the new year, turning over a new leaf and all that jazz. Oh well.

Happy New Year :)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I don't know if this will help, or if I even should type this. The only thing I do know is that the inside of me feels like a giant ball of twine getting tighter and tighter with each breath I take. I've been blinded and so have you. Only when I took off the blinders sitting in front of me was something awfully disturbing. I'm sorry things happened the way they did, but then again I'm not. I'm sorry for how you feel but thats how it is. There is a part of me that wants more than anything for things to just go back to the way they were after you get what you need. There is a more rational part of me that realizes that may not happen, and that the scale is definitely not balanced when it came down to it. Fuck that scale, but this is the hardest that my end of the scale has ever fallen. It can't fall though, it has to be a balance or things don't work. Coming to realize that is one of the more painful things I've ever had to endure. Are relationships all just a big game of chase? Once the initial thrill is over is that it? Why are people so inclined to want what they don't have? I'm not going to spend the rest of my life pretending not to have feelings when I do. If my feelings aren't attractive then I don't know what to say. I'm still waiting to wake up to the sunlight of my window, with you in my arms. It's all been a dream. An awful dream. But I wake up and you're there with me to tell me everything will be ok. You're there and I can hold you and kiss you as much as I want to. You're there and I know I'm happy.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Can't Sleep

I don't know how to help you and dearly wish I could. Every time I try you push me away and things are worse. It seems like if there was an average, things are ok but in the overall picture it keeps getting worse and worse. You need so much and are too afraid to ask for it. What else? There are too many things going on in my head to type right now.